Augustus Gloop

The king of the deal arrived home yesterday and proudly called to me, ‘I got you a present!’

I proceeded to the foot of the staircase with caution.  I can smell a counterfeit offering like cheap cologne and his one smelled like a thirteen year old at his first make out party.  When I descended he opened a large non-descript cardboard box and proudly brandished a box of cereal at me.

‘What the hell is that?  We don’t eat that stuff,’ I said.

‘It’s for the baby!’ he delightedly replied.

I could tell that he knew this plan was flawed, nay busted, before he began.  I picked up one of the twelve jumbo boxes and read the ingredients.  To summarize, they were as follows: sugar, salt and chemicals…amen.  

Now, I’m not raising a vegan here.  The baby's already had some pre-packaged crap at grandma’s.  I mean, it was ‘organic’, pre-packaged crap but still.  It’s terrifying that vegetables could be poison to my kid.  You think I’m going to give him no-name oaty-o’s because they were cheap?  

Both grandmothers are waiting for me to break on this one.  I’m confident that one of them is quietly filling a warehouse in some industrial park with goodies.  

When I do drop the flag on sugar it will be by phone…when the baby is staying with Grandma.

Oh, the husband returned the cereal.