Boobs

    According to the literature, breastfeeding is a soulful, emotionally enriching activity that will cement the bond between mother and child.   Conversely, formula feed baby’s diseased riddled bodies will inevitably suffer an early death due to a meth lab explosion

 

No pressure.

    I did it.  Do I think my baby and I would have connected without breastfeeding?  I mean, I think so.  I’m done now and we still get along.  Me and the baby, we’re tight.

    There was stuff I just didn’t like about breastfeeding.  I did not like taking my top off at parties.  Even in my wild and crazy youth I wasn’t a top taker offer.  The lit cigarette in my mouth during my twenties wouldn’t have permitted it anyway.

    I hated the crappy bras.  One of my best girlfriends got me to buy an expensive sporto nursing bra.  She loved hers.  That’s great, but my girls will never be as self reliant as hers.  It was like I was wearing a fanny pack. 

    I didn’t enjoy the amount of reality television I was subjected to.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not fancy.  I keep up with the Kardashians.  It was just that it took so long to breastfeed that I watched the same shows day after day.  I mean, the same damn episodes, over and over, groundhog day like.  It’s sad to spot plot holes you hadn’t noticed during the last viewing.  I mean, I didn’t go to film school but I was pretty confident I was catching the subtext of what Randy was saying to the latest bride at Kleinfelds.  Not so much. 

    I’m glad I did it.  The health benefits go without saying.  It was handy.  It was cheap.  I think it would be ridiculous to NOT do it if you can.  I’m just saying that I don’t miss it.